Reflect and Project
A year in review in a time unknown.
Integration happens when life is in motion. Healing, learning, unlearning, evolving - it intersects with the mundane, within the white space and underneath the unexpected. It takes place while life is continuing to move forward.
Taking a step back from my business made me realize what matters more than working 60 hours a week in order to reach expectations that I don't even know WHO made up and constantly feeling like I’m running myself into the ground doing ‘something I love.’ It’s also made me realize that I actually still do enjoy running a business and it'll always be apart of my life.
I’m done playing small. No more minimum energy exchange from other parties, no more minimum $$$ from clients and partnerships, no more DOUBTING myself, my confidence, and my expertise. I’ve been in the Soul-opreneur space for almost 10 years - there’s a reason why I’m still here and it’s because I’m damn good at it.
I no longer see my multi-hyphenate interests and goldfish brain as a
crutch, I see it as an ingredient to my secret sauce, a strand of my DNA that makes me different from other writers, coaches, and humans out there.
Therapy taught me that I need to forgive myself for holding grudges with a past trauma that caused a lot of friction in my life. It helped me accept who I am, how I feel, and has allowed me to reconcile some aspects of myself that I wasn’t proud of. It was also validating as fuck to hear someone tell me “it’s okay” to feel the way I do.
Some things are too sacred to share on social media. My healing process, my peace, my rituals and venerations, even some of my words are for me and my ancestors and my energy, not a square or a screen.
The thing I’m most proud of this past year is pulling myself out of the most depressing, low, dark night of the soul. In 2021, I prayed for change, I prayed for help. I cried more than I ever have in my 34 years and I felt deflated inside. I pulled back the layers and saw some ugly and unsavory parts of myself that I struggled with - and 2022 helped turn that around in a multitude of ways.
As weird of a place as it is, Texas brought me back to myself and helped me realize the type of life I want for my future self and family. I call in calm, I call in simply content, and I call in being grateful for the tiny, simple moments like seeing birds enjoy a bath and neighbors who feel like family.
The past is a teacher, but it’s also baggage if you allow it to be. I’m no longer using it as a badge of honor or allowing it to hold me back from looking towards the future. Yes, I’m proud of what I’ve been through, of who I am, but in my heart of hearts I know this next evolution of my SELF calls for me to leave it behind the closed door.
All the planning and prepping in the world won’t hold up against my unique Divine Plan. It’s going to unravel exactly how and when it’s supposed to.
